I Don't Want To Do This
by RinSesshy
Summary: Set before the events of the InuYasha, a certain Inu-Daiyokai is about to make the ultimate sacrifice, will he be able to go through with it and in the end, live with the decision for the rest of his life?


**I Don't Want To Do It**

_By: RinSesshy_

_*Someone is about to make the ultimate sacrifice, will he be able to go through with it and in the end, live with the decision for the rest of his life?*_

_***Parts in my story were inspired to me by fellow fanfiction writer and good friend Ravyn Skye in one of her fanfiction stories, "An Adventure in Parenthood (Beautiful)"***_

_**Enjoy!**_

_Rated 'T' for brief nudity and breastfeeding._

_**~ This chapter and the events that are about to occur take place 492 years before the start of the InuYasha series ~ **_

The year is 1005 A.D., the Heian Era. It is the period in Japanese history when Buddhism, Taoism and other Chinese influences were at their height and it would be considered a high point in Japanese aristocratic culture, a golden age of peace and harmony.

But for some, well at least one in particular a demon, an InuDaiyokai was feeling anything but at peace right now as he was filled with much inner turmoil.

{_I don't want to do this_} The male dog demon thought as he stood on a very cloudy surface way up above Japan, a place that no mere human would be able to get to unless they could fly or at least had a demon companion that had that ability.

He was looking up a very long set of stairs that ascended way high until they disappeared into another set of clouds.

He was feeling so tense; it felt like his feet were stuck to the ground. He had forgotten how long he's been standing where he was and yet he didn't seem to care, he'd much rather stay where he was than do what he was about to do.

Just the thought of the upcoming event was making his heart ache; he just wanted to turn around and walk away but knew he couldn't because…he made a promise.

A sudden rush of cold wind blew through, making him shift his attention down to where in the crook of his arm contained a small bundle that began to coo and move. It was a newborn baby boy; more so it was his newborn son who was just a day old.

Wrapped up in a yellow sash with blue designs on it the infant continued to shift making his sire smile as he used his free hand to bring up a big clump of fur to wrap the infant in to keep him warm. His pup nuzzled more into the soft texture and let out a small yawn before going back to sleep, this action made him clutch him closer.

Looking back up at the long staircase, he knew it was now or never and could no longer delay the inevitable. As he started to regain his mobility he immediately felt a very tiny and slight prick on the side of his neck followed by a very loud slurping noise.

"_I don't believe it._" He thought as he slapped his at the spot the sound was coming from.

Irritably, he gazed down into his palm and saw something very small and flat fall into it before it popped out into the form of a tiny flea-demon. He had a receding hairline made up of black hair with some gray streaks in it and a very thin pencil mustache.

"Good afternoon master." The tiny flea said.

"What are you doing Myoga?" The tall male firmly asked.

"Forgive me for biting you master but I was starting to get hungry and-."

"No! I meant what are you doing _here_? I said that I wanted to do this alone."

The little flea gulped as he knew that his actions would probably lead to dire consequences. "I know, but you see-" Not giving him a chance to finish, the dog demon slapped him down onto his left shoulder where he let out a painful moan as he laid flattened once again.

Releasing a long drawn-out breath, he shook his head and finally began making his way up the stairs.

"Master," Myoga said as he popped out again. "I am sorry for disobeying you but I came to tell you to once again reconsider your decision on this." He stated with a tone of worry. "You know as well as I do what type of "person" she is and just how she will raise your son. I once served this family remember? I knew her as she grew up and there has got to be a better choice than her I mean after all she is-"

"The only family member he has besides me." He quickly stated to the flea.

"Also…she wanted her to have him." His expression changed to utter sadness as Myoga's was quick to match; he put all four of his arms into his juban sleeves and sat down lowering his head in defeat.

The walk up the stairs seem to be prolonging as Myoga began to notice his master's steps were becoming slower and more sluggish than expected.

"You seem to be taking your time getting up there master, wouldn't be a lot quicker to fly up and get this all over with?" He asked but was suddenly met with a towering feral look that sent the flea into a panic and hid underneath his collar.

Continuing his slow walk, he pondered on Myoga's comment and did indeed think of simply flying up but he was in no rush to hand over his child quickly, he wanted to spend as much of his remaining time with him as possible and didn't mind keeping the person at the top waiting.

"Oh my!" Myoga's sudden exclamation broke him from his thoughts.

"What is it?" The dog demon growls letting him know he didn't like to have sudden interruptions.

"Forgive my unexpected outburst milord by it's just that he…he looks so much like her." The little flea demon said, as he jumped out of hiding and moved closer to his neck to take a better look at the newborn.

The tall male also looked at his son and realized that it was true and wasn't sure why he didn't see it before but he couldn't be any happier about it as a small smile appeared on his lips.

"Look master, he has some faded markings on his forehead and cheeks. They'll probably be fully visible in a few more weeks and this means he will indeed grow into a powerful demon someday. Well, I am not surprised seeing as whom his mother was." Myoga stated proudly as he pointed his tube-like mouth-part in the air.

The smile on his master's face widen some more as he was glad that the little flea still had such loyalty like that.

Getting closer to the top the two of them began to see the outline of guards standing nobly with weapons in hand at their assigned posts and the idea made him scoff.

"I don't understand," Myoga stated as he saw the row of soldiers. "Why would she need all of these guards when she is already so powerful?"

"Maybe she is not as strong as she thinks she is." He simply suggested.

The comment made Myoga's eyes bulge in shock as rain of sweat began to fall down over his face; he knew that if _she_ did indeed hear that comment from him there'd probably be hell to pay.

After what seem to take most of the day, he was at last nearing the top but didn't even get a chance to touch the last step when suddenly-.

"So, you finally decided to show." A stern female voice said that sent a cold shiver down his spine and Myoga to hide into his hair.

"I was beginning to wonder when you would finally make it up here… Inu no Taisho."

A low growl emanated from his throat as he raised his head slowly he narrowed his amber-colored eyes and shot an angry glare out through his short, very wavy bangs to look at one of his least favorite individuals, who was also a dog demon.

"Just be lucky that I decide to come at all…InuKimi." He said snarling some as he stepped off the last step, he didn't move any further and only stood there watching her as she sat on her so-called "throne" surrounded by other lady servants seemingly without a care in the world.

"Such a pity." She said and he gave her a questioning look. "I would have thought that you would have wanted to dress a bit more graciously for this happy occasion." Her comment made him take a glance down at his wardrobe.

He was dressed in a white sleeveless gi top with blue cherry blossom flower crests on the collar and shoulder. He wore a pair of white momohiki pants with black ankle-high boots and a long flowing sash, both of the two suggestive of Chinese influence and a pair of vambraces on each of his arms. He had a large furry boa (also known as a mokomoko) that he wore over his right shoulder, the tail end of it was wrapped around his son for warmth, but if he let it hang loose it would most likely drag on the ground. He had long snow-white hair that he kept tied up in a very high ponytail as it blew gently in the currents of the wind.

However his clothes were anything but in the best of shape as they were torn and tattered in places that could only conclude that he was in a long hard battle some time ago.

"It seems to lack in style and color to me but then again she was the one to make your clothes."

Inu no Taisho shot his head up at her angrily as Myoga peeked out from his hair to look at the female as a look of anger and disappointment also came to his face.

"I am not here to discuss fashion tips with you and this is anything but a happy occasion." His eyes narrowed even more.

"Besides, unlike some here I don't care about fashion all the time." He responded as he gave her a quick look over.

She was dressed in probably the best and most expensive kimono that money could buy along with a mokomoko of her own wrapped around her like a stole. Her hair was pulled back into high pig tails and the middle section of her bangs was pulled and tied back by a white band. She had single small lightning-like markings on each side of her cheeks as well as a crescent moon symbol on her forehead. Ironically, she had the same eye and hair color as him.

She was clearly wearing makeup as he could smell the mild fragrance of facial powder and her lips were darkened by the deepest shade of violet he has seen.

"Do you have the package?" she asked leaning back leisurely into her seat.

That made Inu no Taisho's blood boil. "He is not a package!" He barked. "He is my son! And you will know well enough to remember that! "

His raised voice began to stir the youngling from his slumber causing him to whimper. Suddenly realizing his mistake he acted quickly and began to rock him gently.

"But he is my son now too." She told him smugly as a small smile curled on her lips and she rested her cheek in her hand.

"Keh, as far as I am concerned you will never be his real mother." Snidely remarking as he continued to favor his restless son.

"That won't be a choice in the matter now." Her eyes narrowing in slight annoyance. "As you know she is dead now and only I can nurse and raise him."

He felt himself become stiff as a board as he slowly raised his head back up to look at her; it also made the hair on the back of his neck as well as the fur on his mokomoko rise.

How could she act and speak in such a way? After everything that has happened she just remained so calm and casual acting as if this other person was just another lesser demon.

"How dare you!" Myoga angrily exclaimed as he jumped out of his master's hair and onto his shoulder.

Inu no Taisho's eyes opened a bit more as he was indeed caught off guard; he never expected such a reaction from Myoga like this.

"How dare you speak in such ill manners like that about her? Have you forgotten who you are talking about or are you just too much of a snob to remember that she is still-"

"Myoga." Inu no Taisho instantly spoke up. "Let it go."

"What?" Myoga said looking up at him questionably. "But milord."

"Don't waste your breath trying to reason with her." He stated with a stern glare towards the cold-hearted female.

Neither said anything after that for a few moments as they stared at each other hard and the tension between both didn't seem to fade.

"Bring him to me." She more so demanded.

His arms wrapped even further around his child. "No, have one of your servants come get him."

Casting him a disgruntle look and letting out a small growl she knew fully well that he was indeed stalling but she immediately turned to one of the servants and gestured her to retrieve the baby.

Hesitantly a younger female demon made her way over and stopping in front of him she looked up with soft, apologetic eyes.

Turning his attention once again back down to his little pup, unwrapping him from his mokomoko he brought him up and planted a gentle kiss onto his small forehead. "I hope you will forgive me one day for this my son." He said softly and gave him a gentle nuzzle with his cheek as the baby seemed to return it.

Myoga watched on as he wiped some tears from his eyes.

He let out a soft sigh and regretfully handed him over. The woman carefully took the small baby from him and taking some small steps back; she turned around and walked back over to her ladyship.

"You remember well, this was all part of her laid-out plan and the only reason you are getting him." He said as he pointed at her as she took the pup from the girl. "And don't you dare neglect my son, woman." All she did was let out a "humph" and he turned his head to the side, it was unbearable to watch this.

She casted him a dirty look before gazing down at her new 'son'. "Now, I have the perfect name picked out for you." The noblewoman said gently as she adjusted the fabric the baby was wrapped in.

"He already has a name!" He roared out as he looked back to face her. It was enough to make the servants quiver in fear and Myoga to hide underneath his gi top again. This time his canine fangs were elongated and bearing as his single blue jagged strips on his cheeks enlarged. "A name picked out and given to him by his **real **mother."

Her expression matched his this time as she rose up out of her seat and began to stare him down evenly. The servants slowly backed away as both of their Ki's were starting to leak out.

"And you should remember well that I am his mother now and if I am to raise him as my own I get to name him. If you don't like it you are welcome to take him back."

He began to walk forward powerfully to retrieve his baby without a second thought.

"But then again you don't want to break your promise to _her_, do you?" She asked as she brought the baby closer to her chest.

He stopped instantly in his tracks as if he just got pierced in the chest with a pair of sharp tentacles.

"That is what I thought." She said as she started to stroke the baby's light patch of hair and his cheeks before sitting back down.

"I suggest that we leave now master before you do something even you will come to regret." Myoga stated as he came out of his hiding place.

"I can guarantee you that this isn't over." He told her as he began to back away towards the stairs. "I will be by to visit my son again very soon; whether you like it or not."

"Of course you can visit him; despite your attitude and rudeness towards me you are still his father after all." She said as she continued to caress his soft round cheeks.

Not having anything else to say to her, he took one more look at his son and began his descends down the long flight of stairs.

During the walk down, Inu no Taisho became buried deep in his thoughts again and Myoga sat quietly on his shoulder; just looking up at him sadly.

He knew that his new master was indeed not thinking straight at the moment after everything that has happened in the last 16 hours and to try to absorb it all in at once had to be a very painful process indeed.

But still, the tiny flea demon just couldn't help but feel the need to try and console him.

"Master, are you-?"

"Not now, Myoga." Cutting him off as he didn't feel the need to be interrupted again from his deep thoughts.

Realizing that it was futile to try and talk to him right now Myoga just lowered his head letting out a sad sigh.

They finally reached the bottom but it wasn't until he got off the last step that another breeze came through only it began to pick up more this time as it swirled around him encasing him in its current.

"The wind." Myoga said as he observed the unusual phenomenon.

He did not move or do anything but let it embrace him as he raised his head up and closed his eyes for a minute as he even felt it brush delicately up against his cheek.

"_Saiai…_" He said softly and the wind finally died down.

"Huh?" The flea asked.

"It's nothing." He simply stated as he continued to look at the sky. "Come, let's be off." With that, he immediately broke into a sprint and with one giant leap he was airborne. He became wrapped up in a swirling cloud of Ki until he transformed into a giant white dog and took off toward the lands of the west.

Meanwhile, Inukimi had retreated back into her castle and was watching him from her chamber window as he flew away. When he was no longer in sight she let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding.

The baby in her arms began to stir and let out a sudden wail of hunger. Calmly, she unwrapped her mokomoko and loosened the hem of her kimono and slipped it off, bringing the baby up to her breast to let him latch onto a nipple so that he could have his fill of milk.

Sitting down on a mat she continued to watch as the infant continued to drink on eagerly; all the while a small yet loving smile appeared on her face as she took this moment to look him over carefully.

"Yes, drink up little one." She said softly as she rubbed his head affectionately. "Drink, so that you can grow up to become a very strong and powerful demon that others will indeed fear as you are now my son, my beautiful little… Sesshōmaru."

_**To be continued…**_

_*Saiai – means "beloved" in Japanese*_

**{**_**Well I hope that you all enjoyed this first chapter. To those who are probably curious as to how and why Sesshōmaru's new mother was able to lactate with milk in order to nurse him. This idea was borrowed from a good friend of mine and also a wonderful fanfiction writer as well, Ravyn Skye where in her story "An Adventure in Parenthood (Beautiful)" where it explains that Youkai females will lactate in the presence of pups which are pack. Her ideas are interesting and logical as well. **_

_**I know I made InuKimi out to be a heartless person in this chapter but keep in mind that these events take place before InuYasha events and she is still young. Also I do have my reasons for making her Sesshōmaru's "adopted" mother instead of his real mother as I was never too keen on seeing him "ditch" her even with her attitude. This was to give the impression that Inu no Taisho was not as impure as some thought him to be and all the more reason as to how and why he came to fall in love with InuYasha's mother which will indeed (and hopefully) be explored in future chapters. **_

_**Hope you all enjoyed reading and I am hoping to update again soon.**_**}**


End file.
